How we got here

Many of you know this story so feel free to skip on by, but if you're curious or want insight into the last year and half of our lives, read on!

Rewinding back to early 2020, we had just gotten back to Chicago from our amazing honeymoon in Japan and Fiji. We had discussed that following our trip we were ready to start "trying." We'd had enough practice the last couple of weeks, so we were ready for the real deal. (I told you - TMI people!) I tossed my pills in the trash and yelled, KOBE (RIP).

Those first few months were easy-breezy - besides being thrust into a global pandemic. We weren't really telling anyone that we were "trying" because we were of the mindset: it'll happen when it happens! My period was all over the place and I knew 16 years on the pill might do that. So we did what any sensible newlyweds do and got a puppy. Frank was and has continued to be a welcome distraction from the state of the world and the state of my non-pregnant self. 

By summertime I thought it was time to get serious. I bought the ovulation strips and a fancy ovulation tracker. I peed on sticks for a few months and had no idea how to read them. I started to think there was really something wrong when I wasn't getting a positive result. I started acupuncture and taking my basal body temperature every morning. Still no dice. 

Fall came and went and I felt ready to see the doctor, but they had no concerns and sent me home with the old "sometimes it takes a year. come back then." So I went home and kept peeing on sticks and congratulating my friends who became pregnant and those who welcomed babies. I finally caught my ovulation. Some good news! But my periods were still 35-40 days long... I knew something wasn't right but decided in the new year we'd really get serious after 12 months of trying. 

We enjoyed the holidays and spent 6 weeks in Key West. I stopped peeing on the sticks and tried to relax (like everyone kept telling me to do! For the record, please stop saying this to people.) We got back to snowy Chicago and I made my first "infertility" appointment. 

Up until this point I was absolutely convinced something was wrong with me. I had always had this suspicion that because I had been so vocal about not wanting children (and not wanting to get married) that I was being punished for changing my mind. I know thats ridiculous but it's still something I'm grappling with today (shout out to my therapist, Alexandra! you da bomb.) 

I went through initial testing at my OB/GYN and everything came back peachy. My AMH (the hormone that shows how many eggs you have) was slightly elevated but since then I've realized it was totally fine and my OB/GYN made much to do about nothing. We were getting ready for our first IUI (when they put semen into essentially a turkey baster and... you get the rest) when Evan went in for his semen analysis. After all of my tests coming back normal I started to get a queasy feeling that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't an issue with my lady parts. But I kept those thoughts to myself because - look at him! He's a prime male specimen! 

He went in and did his very difficult job of "providing a sample" and then we waited. It was ridiculous how long we waited for those results looking back at it. It takes someone minutes to do these tests and they HAVE to do them on a fresh sample, so I just know our results were sitting there for days, maybe weeks before we got the call. 

"So we have some things to go over with you both. Volume and count are in normal ranges but motility (how fast they swim) is low and morphology (the shape of the sperm, which is critical for penetrating the egg) is 0% normal. Do you have any questions?" 

It was a punch in the gut. I think Evan and I had both been resigned to the fact that this was an "AJ thing" and it would be my job to do the things required for us to get pregnant. We didn't really think about what it would mean should his swimmers be the problem. Initially, I went into do-mode. I had already done my research on IVF clinics (because I'm a psycho planner) and I knew what should happen next. The IUI was completely out of the question and we needed to make sure Evan didn't have any other underlying issues that might be causing these abnormalities (cancer, varicoceles, hormonal imbalances). Evan needed some time to process this news, so he went back to a busy day of work while I pushed any of my work responsibilities aside to dive DEEP into male factor infertility research. 

After a visit to the urologist, another confirmatory semen analysis and an "extremely healthy testicles" review later, we knew that our next step would be IVF. I had had my eyes and heart set on a clinic in Colorado that I discovered through a [real] blogger, Shaheen Khan, who now has 2 very cute babes from CCRM. She raved about her experience after having a not-so-great one at Northwestern. I dove into SART (society for assisted reproductive technology where every clinic is required to post their success rates) data to compare multiple clinics, knowing that going to Denver brought on a lot of logistical work that being at an in-town clinic wouldn't. It was a good exercise but ultimately confirmed my choice. No clinic has better results than CCRM. A few below: 

National average of IVF rounds to reach success: 1.8 

CCRM average of IVF rounds to reach success: 1.2

Live birth per transfer at Northwestern: 49%

Live birth per transfer at Fertility Centers of Illinois: 49% 

Live birth per transfer at CCRM: 69% 

Evan is a numbers guy, I'm a gut gal. We were both happy with our choice :) We still had a consultation with another clinic in Chicago, but because of the numbers and my faith in CCRM, it really just confirmed what we wanted to do. 

We went out to Denver for a 1-day work-up. Fortunately/Unfortunately because CCRM's laboratory is world-renown, they don't trust testing done elsewhere. Which meant I had to re-do many of the tests I had already undergone. I'll list them for you for shits and gigz:

- 18+ vials of blood work

- Genetic screening

- Transvaginal ultrasound (to check ovaries and follicle counts, I had 21 follicles which is normal for my age)

- Hysteroscopy (to check uterus and cervix)

- HSG  (to ensure fallopian tubes are open)

- Pap smear and HPV test

 

A Quick PSA: All women should be getting pap smears every 3-5 years, especially those under 40 years old. PLEASE GO GET YOURS. Potentially lifesaving if abnormal cells are found as this means you are at higher risk for cervical cancer - don't be scared, just go. I joined the HPV club this year - ain't no shame. 80% of people will have it in their lifetime and most often it clears up on its own. Breaking stigmas related to female health is a passion of mine, as many of you know.

Wow, are you still here? Extra credit for you. 

So where are we at now? 

I've completed all the necessary testing and everything has come back normal. Although I know it's really tempting to say YAY THAT'S GOOD NEWS. And yes, it is good news. Buttttttt - we still don't know the quality of my eggs. We still don't know if I can carry a child. We still don't know a lot of things. We have to take it step by step, and right now - we're good. 

Currently I'm on birth control (hilarious) to suppress my ovaries from choosing a single egg to ovulate this month. Then I begin stimulation medication (hormone shots) on June 18 to force all of my follicles (hopefully ~20 based on my last ultrasound) to mature all at once. I'll be taking those shots for ~10 days and then we will retrieve those eggs! We'll be heading out to Denver June 23rd to continue to be monitored and have the retrieval. 

A Note on Results: I'll be reserving the right to not share the results of our egg retrieval. We do not know how many eggs we'll get, how many will fertilize and how many embryos we'll have to send to genetic testing. A typical drop-off of 75% is to be expected. That means if I do have 20 mature eggs, on average we may have 3-5 genetically normal embryos. BUT NOTHING IS GUARANTEED. 

Check back here for results when we are ready to share them. Please do not ask for them - we will tell you when we're ready (Thanks, moms for understanding.)

Thank you again for all your support - we really appreciate how much you all care. This baby (however they come to us) will be loved tremendously. 

xoxo,

AJ